Tips for parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles for birthdays and Christmas.
So many clients have shared that they are overwhelmed by the number of presents grandparents and other extended family members give their children at this time of year. Negotiating this dynamic often puts stress on parents’ relationships with their loved ones and adds to the endless stream of “stuff” that enters a home.
If you are a parent...
Take a neutral approach grounded in your values. Let your family members know how important your child's relationship is to each of them and emphasize that your family values gifts of experiences that nurture that sense of connection.
Reflect on your child’s relationship with each member of the extended family and let your loved ones know what experiences might help your child feel more connected to each person.
Plant seeds to help them understand. Shifting family patterns doesn’t happen overnight. You might need to have a conversation with extended family next year too, and around birthdays. Give them, and yourself, the gift of grace to learn new ways of expressing love and connection.
Remember, your children’s relationship with their grandparent is far more important than any gifts they do or do not receive. Set a boundary, make a request, but don’t be rigid about it. For some people gift giving is a language of love and no matter how clearly or neutrally you communicate, your family member will delight in showering your children with gifts. Receive them all with kindness. Have your child select several they really love, and, with gratitude for the relationship, donate the excess to an organization or another family.
If you are a grandparent, aunt, uncle…
Listen with an open heart when the parent requests that you send/bring fewer gifts. This is not a reflection of the love they have for you. It is simply a plea for peace and ease and joy for their family.
Ask the parent “What does the child need? What do they want?”. This can be an easy way to start the conversation about gift giving and often results in a gift that is appreciated and used.
Gift an experience whenever possible. Ask yourself what you could do or share with your grandchild/niece/nephew that would strengthen your connection.
Don’t expect to see your gifts displayed when you visit if you do choose to give lots of presents. When kids get too many gifts, they can’t take it all in, and often parents -- and kids -- want to pass along what's not not used. Know that one thoughtful gift will often be treasured more than a bunch of items.
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